• billytombs

the sa·cred & the se·cret

Jack Bierce mentioned "opening sacred & secret doors" in the conversation that became my first blog post & it's been twirling around in my mind since i read it. back in the day i flew this same flag as Bierce - this idea was my code.

my main inspiration was probably this letter written by Arthur Rimbaud:

I mean that you have to be a seer, mold oneself into a seer. The poet makes himself into a seer by a long, involved and logical derangement of all the senses. Every kind of love, of suffering, of madness, he searches himself; he exhausts every possible poison so that only essence remains. He undergoes unspeakable tortures that require complete faith and superhuman strength, rendering him the ultimate Invalid among men, the master criminal, the first among the damned -- and the supreme Savant! For he arrives at the unknown!

i took this as a battle cry. & i don't do half measures - i went all in.

it took about five years for this style of search to bring me to my knees. the world is relentless on a man that lives this out. Rimbaud wrote this letter at seventeen and he checked out completely from writing at twenty-one. one big difference between me and Rimbaud: he wrote a season in hell.

in another of Rimbaud's famous letters he writes:

I is another.

so... the derangement of the senses and the unknown: the material world and the spiritual world.

I is another: the battle between the two.

this is my exploration. this is my experiment. this is my life. this is life. getting to the core of this battle within - understanding it - and fighting it out in the trenches. & i find myself looking back on those earlier times to sort it all out

and make heads or tails of it

as i push forward and onward and upward...

this is the heart of the ​#kidhollywoodlandexperiment

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